It’s a feeling that really can’t be put into words but rather something I can feel more if that made sense. Seriously though, I have literally have the sweetest boyfriend in the world. LOL. Sure we have our little arguments here & there, get upset at eachother here & there, but within 15 seconds we’d be like usual again.
That’s not really something I’m trying to get across here though. The way he’s so considerate of me is ridiculously cute.. & the time that he came to pick me up after work he parked in front of the restaurant so I would talk away from the door straight to the car & then he ran & hugged me from behind.. that was honestly so cute though it was such small & simple thing LOL. Not to mention he even gets overly caring sometimes like repeatedly asking if I’m okay & saying sorry a million times till I smile.. I still remember that time when I was in Montreal with him & he was drunk & he literally said that he’s sorry that he haven’t really given me anything & that he’s not rich & all that bullcrap.. kay not bullcrap but wow.. I was literally in shock & in tears because I already thought I was so lucky to be in such a happy & healthy relationship that I really didn’t care about anything else.
Some nights when I’m not with him, or even when I’m with him, I reflect on alot of things. I realized how lucky I am to have went this far & I very much look forward to what’s to come next.
There’s a lot of things that has changed over the past two years, and I’ve definitely learnt a lot. At the same time, I’ve struggled to keep the same bonds as I did in the pass with a lot of people. I’m not sure if it’s a self-conscious feeling or is it others being different around me, but that’s how I see it.
My circle of friends has definitely grew smaller over these two years. And partially it’s kind of my fault considering how careless I was last year. I remember just having the happy feeling of so easily getting to know so many new people and becoming friends with them, that I often left behind the friends that were already close to me. Of course, I mended those bonds during the summer and msn was definitely very useful for me to reconnect with them (that has ALOT of memories), but the start of this school year created another huge change for me. And I can say it was a wrong change because it led to a lot of great things that happened to me, but it changed the way a lot of people felt about me.
I know people are always like you shouldn’t worry about what other people think of you (I really don’t think about it, because I’m pretty right now), but sometimes, you might just feel really left out in certain situations. You feel like you’re treated differently as if you never belonged in the first place when all these people were once friends that you could talk to. It’s almost disappointing to feel that your friends that were once people you could turn to, are people that were never your friends in the first place. It’s almost like they were just curious about your life. Now I’m not saying I’m right, I probably did a lot of wrong things along the way. But those choices I made led me to grow so much as person.
Now on to a much more content part of my life, is obviously having another half. A bestfriend that you can always turn to without feeling embarrassed about telling them anything. Someone you always have fun with and someone you can never stay mad at. Yeah, I think I have a pretty awesome boyfriend. And I would’ve never gotten this boyfriend if I didn’t remeet this very one person in the beginning of this year, and I’m ever so happy I did. Not only did I remeet a hilarious good friend, but he made me realize that no matter how bad others thinks of you, how much rumous there is of you, if you truly dig deep, there is a good side of that person. Atleast that’s what I think. Of course this person will forever have their certain flaws that I know very much forgive and put aside when I look at him, but hey, he helped me a lot throughout this year even though he used me a lot more in the beginning. I guess I really can’t thank him enough for changing a huge part of my life.
To sum it up, I guess these joyful happenings kind of outweighed the negativity I’ve always had inside me. But I really wish that some things could really change up.
Might not seem like a huge commitment but I’m going to start the Insanity 63 Days Workout Calendar starting July 1st! After researching and reading ALOT (I mean like ALOT) of reviews, I decided I’m going to try it. I’ve been looking for a change, but I lack in motivation and frankly, even effort. I want to get back into something and have something to look forward to other than working, spending time with people I love during my summer. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep up with these 63 days. Wish me the best of luck :D LOL.
When people approximate how long someone is going to be with someone.. I think it’s really disrespectful. Especially when it’s a serious relationship that took a long way to get to.
I have no shame in admitting what I did or do. But at the same time, I realized that not many people would understand me or my situation. I’m proud to say that I don’t regret a single thing I did so far. I’m really content with my life right now & I honestly could not be more grateful.
I have alot of expectations for things for the future. I don’t know why.. I kinda just do. I feel like all this life I haven’t been normal.. Even when it comes to my house, I want to live in something extraordinary. Not something that everyone else has.
I miss you as soon as soon you bring me back home. And that’s the feeling that will never change. I never want to leave when I need to. I never want to go home when I’m with you. Even when I’m in the midst of falling asleep, I’d rather fight that tiredness.
I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been. I don’t think I can thank you enough for everything you do for me & make me feel. I know I’ve been constantly typing up happy posts nowadays & the things I say might be a little repetitive but I can’t help but replay our times together.. like I could literally be just in the middle of doing something & suddenly something we did would pop up on my mind..
I probably sound like a idiot.. & crazy & obsessive.. but I’m legit serious. I’m just so happy.
Being such a worried person before, I really didn’t expect too much. I thought we were progressing too fast at first but now that I think about it, I’m glad you have such good initiative. I would never be able to initiate anything since I’m just shy & scared like that. But you made me open up to you so much.. you make me feel that you really want this & it makes me feel so swoon.
You probably won’t ever see this & I don’t even know if I want you to or not, but thanks for everything. Thanks for making everyday easier for me when I’m so stressed. Thanks for making me feel that something real like this can actually happen. Thanks for being such a sweet heart.
It has been a interesting journey so far & I hope & I know it’ll just get better from here.
It’s been a while since I’ve actually been able to remain “happy” for such a long period of time. I mean sure there were little ups & downs but they weren’t really a really big deal or anything. It’s almost hard to process right now just thinking about the past couple of days with you & the last couple of times we saw eachother. Especially the past 2 days. I just never had it this good before.. but at the same time, neither have I put this much trust on anyone before too.
Ever felt like you’re so happy, everything just seems really unreal tho? I guess that’s how I’m feeling now.. I’m just so glad that we’ve gone this far & is doing so good right now. It took baby steps to get us to where we are now, but it was worth it.. having such a healthy relationship wasn’t something that I thought would happen but I guess when you least unexpect things, amazing things really do happen(:
People are actually so inconsiderate sometimes.. like I know they might be joking, but something that I take seriously, isn’t a joke to me at all. To say that I’m “trying” to be something just makes my heart sink a bit because I’m working towards a goal for myself. It’s just annoying when people think they know me so well when they really don’t. I don’t take these things to my heart, but when it’s said right at the moment, it kinda hurts.
Sometimes, I’m still in disbelief how far we got.. how we are now. I guess it’s sort of interesting to think all the back & all those little series of events that led to how things are now.
I haven’t been able to open myself up to anyone like this in so long. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been like this with anyone at all. Being such a guarded person, every single step I take with you, I take very carefully. I don’t want to be mistreated or taken advantage of. I know I keep bringing these kinda things up, but it is just something that I’ll always have a little fear for.
I really hope that when we’re already at this point that it’s no longer a game. I hope you really mean everything you do & say to me because this feels real. I feel like something’s really there & I really want to believe that.